Today I made the mistake of typing why does in the google search… and well, I was presented with:

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Don’t get me wrong. I love poop questions as much as the next guy… but really? So then I started to see what others were looking for and well, here’s a few examples:  

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Also check out: http://mashable.com/2009/08/11/funniest-google-suggest-results/

Not getting a warm and fuzzy feeling here…

While working away, managed to post some quick words:

• VoIP Tech Chat: Blackberry desperate? RIM announces FREE Blackberry Enterprise Server Express
• Team Forrest: SIP Response Codes (just for a quick reference)
• Fat Freddy Says: Updated Review for Nick’s Original House of Pancakes, Ann Arbor

Today, I received an email (posted below) from Florida President Bernie Machen asking for my voice. Seems they have created a new organization to lobby the Florida legislature for issues important to the school. To me, I am always offended when someone making 750k a year (including bonuses), gripes about a lack of funding. Simply put, Machen needs to lead by example.

A good leader demonstrates by example. If you want to discuss a lack of funding, how about first disclosing that you are one of the highest paid educators in the country. A good leader does not lead by having behavior that indicates a lack of personal responsibility. But then again, I started thinking Machen was not cut out for the job when he didn’t bother to attend a summer commencement .

Here’s the email:

Dear Gator Nation,

The Florida Legislature begins its 2010 session March 2nd, with another tight budget year expected. I want to take this opportunity to ask you to reach out to your elected officials in support of UF – and to remind you that we have an excellent organization to assist you.

Gators for Higher Education, created in partnership with the University of Florida Alumni Association, is a group of volunteers who contact their lawmakers at our request when the Legislature is considering issues critical to UF. The organization was extremely helpful to UF last year, when lawmakers considered and ultimately passed the tuition flexibility bill that is proving so important to UF during this era of cutbacks in state funding.

Support for our base budget is likely to be an issue again this year. Other UF legislative priorities include securing recurring funding for graduate student health insurance and the Florida High Tech Corridor Council, and medical school funding.

Whatever the issue at hand, we hope and anticipate that Gators for Higher Education will be just as helpful this spring as it was last spring. Both Florida and out-of-state residents are welcome to sign up, and there is no cost for participation. To learn more and to become a member, please take a moment to visit http://gatorsforhighered.ufl.edu.

Your voice, your connection to your local lawmakers and your loyalty and love for UF can all make a huge difference to this university. Thank you very much for your consideration. I look forward to working closely with the members of Gators for Higher Education this spring.

Sincerely,

J. Bernard Machen

Passive Agressive? Yes. Funny? Perhaps.

I’m no stranger to the fun and joy that comes from dog ownership. Let’s not forget that Forrest was 115lbs and as regular as could be. We tried (well, he couldn’t care actually, more realistically I tried) to be very considerate of private property when making our rounds. Now I don’t want to go off on a rant here, but… 

Letting your dog leave a big turd directly next to a driver’s door is one of two things: 1. It’s on purpose or 2. It’s by accident. However both have one thing in common — the asshole who walked away without doing a single thing (and I’m not talking about the dog).

Yes, I can see the humor in it. After all, I’m the guy that’s in his thirties and still find farts hilarious. That being said, leaving your dog’s shit on a driveway, walk, sidewalk, etc. is just a dick move. Bad form and one of the most un-neighborly actions a neighbor could take.

So yes, I’m the asshole who renamed his network “Pick up your Dog Shit.” I admit, this is also a dick move… but for the time being, I think it adequately expresses my current state of mind. And, well… I think a geek reaction is better than a few other ways I could think of handling the gift we received.

Here’s the funny thing — I can’t. I’m not a registered Republican. You see, I’m NPA; because I vote for who I like, not a party. Anyway, I guess they feel that I would want to donate to Rubio. They’re wrong. And, an endorsement from Huckabee really is the icing on the cake. Sure, I don’t like Crist’s support of the stimulus, but I do like Crist.

Anyway, if you want, you can read the 5 page donation request here (huckacrap.pdf).

• YeniFred.com
• Team Forrest’s Blog
• Fat Freddy Says
• VoIP Tech Chat

Yes, they’re very similar (other than YeniFred). But I’m in a “clean” mode right now.

The best way to keep our skies safe.

So, let’s pretend you’re with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). The TSA, created shortly after 9/11, provides security for the nation’s transportation systems. Employing approximately 50,000 people, the TSA “ensures your travels – by plane, train, automobile or ferry – are safe and secure.”

After the recent “incident” (this is what the TSA calls it) where an airline passenger successfully brought an explosive device onto an American bound plane, the TSA initiated new travel directives. Apparently, one of these directives includes the seizing of computers owned by bloggers who discuss the new directives.

Steven Frischling, a well respected photo-journalist, received a visit from several TSA agents who seized his laptop and “promised to return it.” Mr. Frischling recently published directive SD-1544-09-06, which basically described pat-downs and physical inspections on 100% of all passengers (read the full text below). As to why Mr. Frischling posted this memo, he stated:

I received it, I read it, I posted it. Why did I post it? Because following the failed terrorist attack on the 25th of December there was a lot of confusion and speculation surrounding changes in airline & airport security procedures.

We are a free society, knowledge is power and informing the masses allows for public conversation and collective understanding. You can agree or disagree, but you need information to know if you want to agree or disagree. My goal is to inform and help people better understand what is happening, as well as allow them to form their own opinions.

Chris Elliot, a seasoned journalist, also received a visit from the TSA, who presented Mr. Elliot with a subpoena requesting all documents, emails, and faxes concerning TSA Security Directive 1544-09-06. The subpoena, complete with spelling errors, required this information no later that December 31, 2009.

Mr. Elliot advised the TSA agent that he would be consulting his attorney before answering any questions or responding to the subpoena.

What the fuck is wrong with the TSA?

Note: I actually tried to come up with a different phrase for that tagline; I truly did. Every time I think about the TSA investigating bloggers for publishing a government directive, the initial thought springing to my mind is still… “what the fuck???” So, the tag line remains.

In my opinion, the TSA simply does not work. I’ve quoted it before, and I’ll quote it again. One of my personal heros, Benjamin Franklin, said it best:

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.

After the December 25th “incident,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano stated “the system worked.” Let’s think about that. But, let’s also crudely summarize the “incident:”

1. A father calls the US Embassy in Nigeria and says he’s worried about his son’s (Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab) extremist views. (An investigation is started)
2. Much later, Abdulmutallab boards a plane to America with explosive materials.
3. Abdulmutallab unsuccessfully detonates his explosive devise during landing.
4. A passenger on the plane (Jasper Schuringa) jumps on Abdulmutallab (now on fire), tries to put out the fire, and physically restrains Abdulmutallab until he can be handcuffed.
5. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano states “the system worked.”

Unless the system means placing Jasper Schuringa in the same row as someone who has brought an explosive device onto a plane, then I’m at a loss for how the system worked.

Then again, I would not expect anything different. Saying that the system worked was meant, I assume, to make passengers feel safe, and continue flying. This essentially is exactly the entire purpose of the TSA.

The TSA provides only an illusion of security. The liberties you sacrifice to the TSA provide you nothing more than a “feeling” of safety. They are the David Copperfield of security. You leave thinking something magical happened, but it’s just an illusion.

That being said, wouldn’t it be great if instead of a David Copperfield approach, the TSA modeled themselves after Penn & Teller. Talk about a 180. I’d volunteer my bags to Penn & Teller. Those guys are just amazing.

Transparency in Government

My Administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in Government.  We will work together to ensure the public trust and establish a system of transparency, public participation, and collaboration. Openness will strengthen our democracy and promote efficiency and effectiveness in Government. — Barack Obama

When someone tries to blow up an airplane, one expects there to be actions against that individual. One should not expect to subject themselves to a physical search by the government simply to board an airplane.

Reporting the actions of the government and publishing the directive that 100% of passengers are to be searched cannot be considered a crime. If anything, it’s the most American action taken since 12/25.

As we head into 2010, I wish everyone a safe New Year’s. I hope you enjoy the Holiday as freely as you wish, and maybe, if you would, take the time to send some support to Chris Elliot and Steven Frischling.

Suggested Readings:

• Flying with Fish’s posting of Security Directive 1544-09-06
• Chris Elliot’s Blog of Security Directive 1544-09-06
• Subpoena sent to Chris Elliot
• Flying with Fish
• NYT: TSA Subpoenas Bloggers, Demands Names of Sources
• Huffington Post: TSA Seizes Computer from Travel Blogger

Happy Birthday Forrest. I still love and miss you.

The pup back in 2002

Curb Appeal? Not so much.

Thanksgiving 2009 involved family, a road trip, and lots of yard work. Although Yeni and I made yet another trip to Florida, we sadly did not get the opportunity to visit all our friends and family “on the list.”

While traveling to sunny Fort Lauderdale, we took a pit-stop in Gainesville and checked out the house. The condition shocked us. It looked absolutely horrible and had what could only be described as negative curb appeal. We headed down to SoFla and knew we had to return and get down to business on some serious yardwork.

Borrowing a chainsaw from the old man, we quickly got to work on the thickest of foliage decorating the house. The chainsaw proved no match for the Gainesville Growth and we ended up with a Home Depot run for reinforcements. A lot of yard work and a good amount of pressure washing brought the house to a more presentable condition; but there’s still more work to be done. The pressure washer gave out and well, it’s time had come. It lasted for a better part of 10 years and I can’t really complain.

For your entertainment, please “enjoy” the before and after.

You can almost see the windows

It screams to turn around

Once, a porch was here.

look ma, windows!

I knew I saw a porch there once

Like so many before, this year brought us joy, sadness, and everything in-between. Life often gets compared to a roller coaster ride. A metaphor I’ve used, but truly don’t like. Yes, we have ups, downs, and turns that you need a seat belt just to remain on the tracks. And yes, life can be over in a flash. But unlike the roller coaster, our lives aren’t stuck on a track where the wait seems to last 10x longer than the ride itself.

Our lives remain unpredictable in detail. We can never know how long our ride will last, or even who will share our experiences. We know that unlike the coaster, our ride will allow moments to be shared with an ever changing passenger list. Sure there are some constants, but our fellow riders will fade in and out.

Each year, as I sit down to write my Thanksgiving message, I’m often reminded how lucky I truly am. This year, I watched my sister get married in a beautiful, sunset ceremony on the Florida coast. I proposed to and married my wife at the happiest place on Earth. Whether by in-person hugs or text messages from thousands of miles away, all of my moments involved family.

My life remains great because of the family that surrounds me.

As I get older, I’ve had to say goodbye to some very close members of my family; and that pain is something that never gets easier. But I’ve also learned (through time), that when we say goodbye to those we love, we never lose them completely. Their impact on our lives becomes more evident as the years go by, making it easier to be thankful for the time we shared.

I truly am a lucky man. I’m blessed with a fantastic wife, amazing friends, and a family that I look forward to sharing the moments of life. I make no distinction between my close friends and the blood relatives that I share. I’ve said it before — friends are the family you choose.

With all the negative we hear daily, from economics to global warming, crime to catastrophe… it’s important to remember that every now and then, we should slow down, take a deep breath, and inventory all we have to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for my wife, my health, a roof over my head, food on the table, but most of all… I remain thankful for you. Thank you for being part of my family and allowing me to share the moments of my life. I’m thankful to be a part of yours, and look forward to the ups, downs, and wild turns we will share together.

Happy Thanksgiving

Fred visits Jim Beam in Kentucky

If you haven’t done so… check out my article on Fat Freddy Says about the difference between Bourbon vs. Whiskey.

It’s true… and well, long story short… here’s my FTC disclosure.

Yeni in her studio.

Lately, thanks to our newly purchased Kitchen-Aid mixer, I have been eating well — very well. Although I guess that depends on your definition of what “eating well” means. If it means eating low calorie, very healthy meals, then no. If it means eating delicious cakes and desserts that make your mouth water, then YES — I have been eating very well.

Yeni loves those cake shows and well, I truly think she’s a natural. Not only are the cakes great looking, they also taste out of this world. Add this to the homemade cannoli and well, simply put, I’m a lucky man. Lucky man.

For more pictures of the cake (you have to see the little fondant bear), check out the album posted on my picasa account.

My girl (with my grandmas rolling pin)

It’s that time of the year again… the time where Fred decides to:

1. Talk about himself in the third person
2. Change the website design
3. Look forward to Thanksgiving
4. Digress

Well, we all know that #3 and #4 happen all year long. Man I love some Thanksgiving. (uh oh, looks like I’m talking in the first person again)

So what’s been happening?

We recently purchased a Kitchen-Aid mixer; sadly, something Yeni and I always wanted. Well, maybe not so sad I guess. I mean we both love to cook and she’s been cooking up a storm. We’re talking homemade cannoli, homemade cakes with fondant, and did I mention everything is 100% homemade from scratch? I’ve only used the mixer a couple of times to make bread, but it really does keep with our theme: Dreams come true. Even the small dream of owning a Kitchen Aid mixer can come true. (pictures)

Of course, all of these homemade amazing yummies isn’t helping me lose weight, but did I mention homemade cannoli? I mean Yeni is my dream girl already, but who knew she could make homemade cannoli?? November 1st also marked our 6 month anniversary. It really seems like we’ve been married longer.

Thanksgiving

I’ve said it a thousand times: Thanksgiving is Fred’s favorite holiday.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve loved Thanksgiving. Growing up in New York, autumn was amazing — the trees changing color, the air gets cooler, people seem happier, and the food flows. Coming from a large family, our Thanksgiving’s were huge events filled with Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandmothers, and more. Family everywhere you looked. And after the meal, the race to get a good piece of couch was only topped by the race back to the table for dessert.

This year, the Thanksgiving table will be a little smaller. With my sister’s wedding, my wedding, and other family events, it’s made it a little difficult to bring everyone down to Florida… again. Apparently some of my family do not share my belief that Florida is just a fantastic State where one should go and go often. That being said, Yeni and I (and her mom) will be driving down to Florida with stops in Kentucky (my second favorite State), Tennessee, Gainesville, and Fort Lauderdale. Knowing Yeni, we’ll also be stopping at many cracker barrels along the way.

Website Design

Sometimes you just want a change. I’ve been in a minimalist mood lately (also in a country music mood for some reason), and just wanted a clean, simple design for the site. I also changed the Team Forrest site a little bit ago for the same reason. If you like the site, great! If you don’t, well… too bad. But don’t worry, I’m sure it will change again soon enough.

In the late 1800’s, after an explosion of immigration to the United States, a new metaphor started circulating — The Meting Pot. Referring to the fusion of different cultures, nationalities, backgrounds, and ethnicities, “The Melting Pot” became part of American culture in the early 1900’s. Although the metaphor intends to help create a national identity, many today see the phrase as antiquated and insulting. People want to keep their heritage, culture, traditions, and not be formed into a new being.

Personally, I like to look at the metaphor differently. I like to believe that the Melting Pot allows you to retain your uniqueness, but at the same time, not segregate you from the plate. Yes, the plate in this “Fred” metaphor is America.

With this extremely long winded introduction, even more so than usual, I want to talk about exclusion, labeling, classification, and Fox News. Wait, Fox News?

First, before all my friends and family start yelling… I do not watch Fox News. Also, I am not a Republican. I’m also not a Democrat (should you want to know). I am a registered voter classified (notice I must be classified) as NPA, or No Party Affiliation. You see, I like to vote for the candidate I like. Sometimes its a Republican. Sometimes a Democrat. And sometimes, it’s none of the above.

“But wait Fred,” you say, “didn’t you mention something about Fox News?”

Recently, the White House has been going to the mattresses† with Fox News. After describing Fox as “not a news network,” the White House through both spokespersons and the President, compared the channel to “talk radio” and well, just basically said they were not a news organization.

I don’t have a problem with this. Although I’d like to see the White House take a “higher stand,” I truly believe that Fox News is harsh on the President and if the President wants to criticize the channel, I honestly could care less. Again, I’d like to think that the White House would be above name-calling, but eso si que es (it is what it is).

But here’s the problem…

Kenneth Feinberg, Special Master for TARP Executive Compensation (aka the “Pay Czar”), provided a round of interviews recently and Fox News was excluded. If not for the actions of ABC, NBC, CBS (and others), Fox News would have effectively been blocked from the interview. The other networks, wisely, told the White House that this action was unacceptable and as CBS Correspondent Chip Reid stated, “All the networks said, that’s it, you’ve crossed the line.”

The White House initially denied blocking access, but in an even more unacceptable response stated through White House spokesman Josh Earnest, “This White House has demonstrated our willingness to exclude Fox News from newsmaking interviews, but yesterday we did not.”

Truly, this is a moment that makes me just want to say… What the Fuck?

I’m extremely glad that we’ve solved the war in Iraq, our economic issues, and have secured the health and wealth of our nation for the next generation. Oh wait, we haven’t? Then why the hell is our government wasting time with a stupid, name-calling, elementary-level war with Fox News?

The first amendment… The FIRST amendment of the constitution is very simple:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

I don’t care if Fox News is biased. I truly think they are. But that’s not the point (I also think other networks can be biased, and I also don’t care). The point, simply, remains that Fox News retains the Freedom to say what they wish. They can speak to their heart’s content, as loudly as they wish, in any manner that they wish. If you don’t like what they say, change the channel. If you disagree, then you can either speak what you feel, argue with them directly, or ignore them.

But do not, do not, do not, DO NOT EVER EVER EVER attempt to stifle their speech. And not providing equal access, in my opinion, clearly attempts to stifle them. Plus, if the White House truly wishes to “exclude” certain members of the press from future “newsmaking” activity, then they should not be in control of our country. Any person that believes its acceptable to exclude members of the press from press activities (for reasons that they don’t like their message) should not be in charge of defending our constitution.

Let’s face it… The media today is a joke. When Michael Jackson died they went ape shit. Anderson Cooper had a feature on what happened to Bubbles the Monkey. And they did this for more than a week. If Fox News wants to criticize the President and the White House, I don’t care. If Anderson Cooper wants find out where Bubbles is living, I don’t care.

Sometimes I even find it entertaining. Heck, I like a good Oberlmann monologue, but I know that he’s biased. Everyone knows he’s biased. He even says he’s biased. And you know what? Olbermann doesn’t get excluded from the White House.

Fred, didn’t you make some comment about the Melting Pot?

I think when we label, we exclude. Saying the Fox News is the mouthpiece of the Republican Party labels them as non-Democratic. Red states. Blue states. Liberals. Democrats. Pro-gun. Pro-Bush. It never stops.

When we make statements like this, we are separating ourselves. Oh, he’s Pro-Bush and we’re not. If I say something critical of Obama, I’m labeled a Republican. Some people reading this right now will assume that I must be “Pro-Bush” because I would criticize the White House.

Those of us LUCKY enough to be living in the United States have the freedom to say and think what we want. We can criticize our government at will. Some of the greatest Americans practiced this freedom regularly.

Getting into this idea that we must classify people by politics, religion, race, region, or any other factor infuriates me. We are who we are. Take us or leave us.

Some of my greatest friends and I disagree on politics regularly. But I love them. They love me. We disagree, we love each other, and we, despite our differences, actively include ourselves in each others lives. That is how I chose to see the Melting Pot metaphor. Despite our differences, we remain a united group. And our differences only help make the group better.

I am a registered No Party Affiliation American, and I vote. I’m neither Democrat nor Republican. I was born in New York City and consider myself Floridian. I am who I am. You can label me however you want. You can hate me, dislike me, or feel anyway you want about me.

But if you try to take away my freedom or my rights, I will fight. And when I fight, I fight to win. I don’t like to fight. I’d rather you just change the channel.

† Going to the Mattresses. Godfather reference. If you don’t get it, please go watch the Godfather. I implore you. Please, please, please watch the Godfather over and over. Nothing bad can happen from this.

Suggested Readings

• Huffington Post: White House’s Fox News Boycott Attempt Prompts Network Revolt
• TPMDC: WH: We’re Happy To Exclude Fox, But Didn’t Yesterday With Feinberg Interview
• NYT: Behind the War Between White House and Fox

On the 16th, Yeni and I headed to the Glendale Harley-Davidson with David Duffett, and rented a couple of bikes. We headed north through some amazing country that well, I’d only seen in pictures. We saw cactus, we drove by mountains that looked like Big Thunder, and had a great meal at a dive off the beaten path. More importantly, we got to ride with David, who although it was the first time I had ridden with him, felt like we’d been riding together for years.

Here’s a few movies…