First… let me tell you how big the Spiders are in Gainesville. They are what I like to call HFS big… (Holy Fucking Shit Big). Except for Peter Parker, I’ve never liked spiders… but at least growing up they were managable annoyances. Spiders in the South are large and in-charge. They are huge… beyond big… they have zip codes and in some counties can even vote. Anyway, the point here is (1) not liking spiders + (2) HFS big = scared Fred.
So last night, Mr. Big Spider trespasses into the home and decides that contrary to Darwin, survival is not important. Only importance is to run quickly to Fred. Well, knowing what you know about Fred and spiders, the reaction was that Fred quickly left his chair and went for a book. But, alas, the move has left Fred bookless. With no immediate weapons available, I did start to panic. (Digression: Why switch from 3rd to 1st person? Why not, it’s a rant y’all) Anyways… oh yes… weapons. So, I thought the shotgun was overkill… but I actually had to think about it. In the meantime, Mr. Aggressive Spider (yes his first name was Aggressive) decided he’d run to my new location.
Well that was that. The fight or flight response kicks in — and let’s face it… fatty isn’t flighty. So needless to say, Crocs are not the best weapon against spiders. Their grooved sole allows the spider to do whatever ninja moves they know to avoid death. So, I switched to jump and smear. And thus, Mr. Aggressive Spider is no more. Yeni wasn’t happy the spider was killed (apparently they are good luck?) but I explained my beliefs… if a spider is outside, no problem. Inside? Penalty for trespass is death. But, I’m sure he left many children to revenge his death, so… there’s always that. But today, at least one small victory is mine.
Speaking of not winning, the carpet estimate yesterday was around $1700. And… at $1700 I’d have to remove the rest of the living room wood floor myself. Ugh. So, today I’m headed to the Home Depot to see what kind of specials they have.